Many husbands would be embarrassed to read a book written by their wife, which covers – among other things – the time they almost got divorced, their disastrous ballroom dance lessons and their social entanglements while learning to manage fame, family and all that comes with it.
But Denis Leary is not that kind of husband.
His wife Ann Leary is brutally honest in her latest book, I tried to be nicecomes out on June 4 — but not at anyone’s expense.
“Everything I write about my family, they see before it’s published anywhere, because if they don’t like it, I don’t want to publish it,” the 61-year-old author tells PEOPLE in a joint interview with Denis, 66. “Writing essays, you have to to be so considerate of people’s feelings, like your husband’s, your children’s and your parents’ feelings. You have to tell your truth, but I like to take care of people’s privacy in my life.”
The book spans a range of topics from the serious to the downright silly, mostly focused on the author’s family, marriage, their life together and attempts to be less of a people pleaser.
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“I touch a little on my childhood in one of the early essays, but most of it is about our family, being married to Dennis, having our grown children, and trying not to embarrass them too much by describing our lives,” the author adds.
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Like an undercurrent of laughter, as happens in many of Anna’s books, comes a veiled dose of wisdom.
“I was kind of exploring the difference between kindness, which is actually a very good trait, and people-pleasing, which is more like an insecurity,” she explains. “And it doesn’t really come from altruism or kindness, or a higher level of emotion. It comes from selfish anxiety and fear.”
Her husband, whom Ann calls “my kindest critic … and my biggest cheerleader-fan,” says it’s “always exciting when I read any draft of something I’m allowed.” He took an early look at those essays before publication, in much the same form in which the reader will see them.
“I’m proud of her, but it’s not the kind of writing I can really do, so a lot of times I’m in awe of how she could take something and turn it into something so funny or beautiful,” says Denis. “I laughed so freaking loud at so many things, especially the newer essays I didn’t know. But man, this book! It really made me laugh.”
The couple, who share children Jack, 34, and daughter Devin, 32, have always loved to laugh – together and, occasionally, at each other’s good-natured jokes.
“You have to laugh,” Ann says of what gets her through the tough stuff. “It actually annoys me when people don’t have a sense of humor, I actually find it personally offensive.”
Below, in an exclusive excerpt shared with PEOPLE, read about a case of mistaken identity with endearing results.
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‘I’ve Tried Being Nice’ by Ann Leary.
Books by Marysue Rucci
Many years ago, at a dinner party, I was sitting next to a very cute guy who looked tacky and seemed a little out of his element. But Wentworth and George Stephanopoulos were also at our table. They dated for less than two weeks. Now their daughters are in college, but how can that be? This party seems like it was yesterday. The thing about humiliating situations is that they always seem so fresh. Memories of my better times like… well… none come to mind right now, but they all seem to be fading. Embarrassing moments somehow crystallize in my memory, perfectly intact, forever.
My shy companion at that party was worried he wouldn’t have anything to eat, as he was vegan. He was so quiet and inconspicuous. He didn’t seem to know anyone, and I assumed he was someone’s plus one. A relative of a famous actor, perhaps visiting from another city.
I realized that he was overwhelmed by the bright lights in the room, so I decided to take him under my wing. I asked a waiter to prepare a salad for him, and then I explained to him who all the important people were. On the other hand, he was a very famous actress. I told him he shouldn’t be ashamed—he should introduce himself to her. He told me he already did.
At one point I asked him what he does for work. He told me he was a musician.
“Wow, that’s really cool,” I said, picturing him in the orchestra pit, his upper lip quivering over a flute, or maybe on a subway platform strumming a mandolin.
When we left the party, Denis and I shared the ride with Jon Stewart and his wife Tracey.
“What was Moby like?” Tracey asked me when we were all in the back of the car. Denis and Jon leaned towards me with expectant smiles.
“Moby was there?” I asked. “I love Moby!”
I’ve been listening to the Moby playlist all summer; that’s pretty much all I listened to that summer. I guess I’ve never seen a photo of him, because – yes, Moby was my dear, shy dinner companion.
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I began to confess to the others, in a hysterically raised voice, that I had just been teaching Moby the ins and outs of fame. I’ve just promised Moby that if he has a sample CD of one of his songs, I’ll personally make sure my husband Denis listens to it.
“Denis Leary,” I told him, with a humble laugh. I don’t like name dropping.
Then I said, and my face is burning just writing these words: “I can’t promise anything, but if he likes one of your songs — who knows, maybe he’ll use it in his show.” I think I even offered some wisdom about how in show business it’s not what you know, it’s who you know.
God bless Moby. He didn’t laugh in my face and told me he had never heard of Denis Leary or his damn TV show. He thanked me for my attentiveness. He asked me about me.
This reminds me of something else I learned on the edge of fame. Celebrities have an undeserved bad reputation as a group. They are always accused of being entitled, stupid, selfish and narcissistic. Many are.
But the jerks with the most rights at the Emmys or the Golden Globes or even celebrity dinners tend to be actors that people don’t recognize but me, along with lawyers, agents, and certain publicists. These jerks will rob an old lady with a walker of her seat because she doesn’t belong in the VIP area. They push and push to the front row of journalists where no one wants to take their picture.
The most talented celebrities, in my experience, tend to be the most generous and kind. Now I’m talking about Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan. I’m talking about Morgan Freeman, Meryl Streep, Robert DeNiro — and all the other gentle giants of the celebrity kingdom. They are attentive and kind, they wait their turn in line. They offer their place to pregnant women or the elderly. They turn from the famous actress at dinner to say to the awkward, clumsy actor’s wife – no one sitting next to them – “Tell me about yourself.”
Excerpted from I’VE TRIED BEING NICE: Essays by Ann Leary. Copyright © 2024 Ann Leary. Reprinted by permission of Marysue Rucci Books, a division of Simon & Schuster, LLC.
I Tried To Be Good: Essays by Ann Leary is out June 4th from Marysue Rucci Books and is available for pre-order now, wherever books are sold.
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