Nick Kyrgios looks back on one of the “darkest” periods of his life – and says his brash behavior on court isn’t who he is as a person.
The 2022 Australian Open doubles winner shared an interview with Jay Shetty on his Deliberately podcast that in 2019 he considered taking his own life.
“I was drinking every night,” the 28-year-old Kyrgios said. “You know, at the time I thought it was just fun, but it wasn’t fun. It was just self-inflicted pain. I had friends around me telling me it wasn’t healthy, and I ignored them.”
He continued: “And I played [Rafael] Still the next day. As if I looked at myself. I thought, I can’t do it. I have to change those habits somehow. So I had self-harm all over the place. I had to wear a bracelet on center court at Wimbledon and no one knew about any of these problems. And it was, it was difficult. I look back and I just don’t know how I got out of it to be honest, I was such a mess.”
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Kyrgios pointed to the media for the seeming disconnect in which he found success on the court but struggled behind the scenes.
“And the worst thing was the media, I had a decent run during that time. And the media was like, ‘Okay, is this the new Nick Kyrgios?’ And I thought, this is the darkest period of my life. There was a tournament in Mexico, Acapulco, that I was thinking about, I was having suicidal thoughts and, you know, I was just on my hotel balcony and honestly thinking about it.”
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The Australian tennis star said the memory of having fans in his corner helped him overcome his mental health issues.
Part of Kyrgios’ problems had to do with reconciling the “caring” and “generous” persona his family knows with the competitive persona he maintains as a player, he said.
“Well, I guess, yeah, when I’m on the field, I turn into a different person,” he said. “It’s like I love to compete and I hate to lose.”
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He continued: “I would cry on the pitch. I would scream. I would just love to compete and hate to lose. And I guess I never changed. Whether it’s me now, I don’t cry on the pitch now, but I’m still very emotional. It just shows how much I care. I feel like it was a way for me to take the pressure off, you know, to get angry or break the racket.”
But last year was not easy for Kyrgios. After winning the 2022 Australian Open and reaching the quarterfinals of the US Open, he was forced to withdraw from the 2023 Australian Open the day before the start due to a knee injury. He was operated on in January 2023, and could not play for the whole year.
Kyrgios announced over the weekend that a long-term injury would prevent him from playing at the Australian Open next month.
But the tennis star tries to keep her own obstacles in perspective, Shetty said.
“For example, there was a Make-A-Wish kid that I met with a week and a half ago, he probably had six months left to live, and then I realized that these types of people who look up to me and really want me to succeed , I started playing for him… Like children, the future generation.”
He added: “That’s why I probably would have retired and probably stopped playing years ago if I had just kept playing how I felt. But then I realized that I have a whole contingent of fans who want to see me succeed. That’s why I like to play now. It’s like I’m playing for them, but that’s what got me out of it.”
If you or someone you know is thinking about suicide, contact the 988 Suicide and Crisis Line by dialing 988, texting “STRENGTH” to the Crisis Line at 741741 or going to 988lifeline.org.
Categories: Trends
Source: HIS Education