Michael McDonald opens up about an emotional period in his life. In a conversation with LJUDI before the publication of his new memoir, What a fool believesout May 21 from Dey Street Books, the Doobie Brothers legend, 72, reflects on his wife, Grammy-nominated singer Amy Holland’s “courage” after she was diagnosed with breast cancer — and what he learned along the way.
“I firmly believe that the worst things that have happened to us will inevitably turn out to be the best things that have happened to us if we survive them,” he says of that challenging period. “When you look back on them, you realize it’s the best thing that ever happened to us… It’s the way life works and maybe the way God intended it to work.
Holland, who married McDonald in 1983, was diagnosed in 1995. The couple have two children: Scarlett, 33, and Dylan, 36. The singer says the ordeal has taught him and his family more about love and each other.
“I remember realizing at the saddest part of the whole thing that my wife and I were discovering what it means to love someone else in a way that we might never have discovered otherwise,” he shares. “And while I wouldn’t want to go through that again for any reason, I’m grateful for those lessons… We realized how much we cared for each other and how much we admired each other.”
Read more in an exclusive excerpt shared with PEOPLE below.
‘What a Fool Believes’ by Michael McDonald.
HarperCollins
IIn 1996, when we had been enjoying our new life in Nashville for a little over a year, Amy was tending to the new garden she had planted. We hadn’t started landscaping yet, so there was no sprinkler system, and she literally had to walk down the hill to fetch a bucket of water. One day, as she was carrying buckets from the pond back to the garden, she felt something in her chest – a knot that wouldn’t let go. Knowing enough to be concerned, she went for a mammogram and that’s when they saw: a tumor.
At first I managed not to go to the darkest place, imagining the worst outcome. Somehow I decided there was no need to go there until I needed to go there; I figured there had to be a way to fix this and we were going to find it.
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However, there are times when reality knocks on the door of hope with a message you don’t want to hear.
I waited tensely near the nurses’ station outside where Amy was undergoing surgery to remove a tumor for a biopsy. When I was informed that the surgery was over and that Amy was recovering, I turned to the nurses to ask when the results would be back from the lab. I assumed it would be up to the surgeon to walk us through the findings and prognosis as soon as he was free, but the nurse on duty interrupted when she simply replied:
“Yes – it’s cancer.”
It felt like a punch in the stomach. I broke down right there in front of this woman I didn’t even know. I don’t think I realized how stressed and tense I was. I apologized to the nurse. “I’m sorry. You just…surprised me.”
I wanted so badly to hear that it was nothing, but I didn’t hear it. No matter how well I thought I had prepared for the worst, it clearly wasn’t enough.
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Michael McDonald and his wife Amy at their wedding.
Henry Diltz
Based on that tumor biopsy alone, the doctors weren’t sure how advanced the cancer was, but knowing it was an aggressive form, they removed 14 lymph nodes under her arm for testing during surgery, and it would be a week or two before we got and results.
In the meantime we had work to do, but it seemed like an eternity. I remember doing some grading in the paddocks next to the house when I saw Amy come rushing out the front door, running towards me with both hands over her mouth, visibly upset. I jumped off the tractor and ran to her. She collapsed into my arms and said in a trembling voice that the doctor had called; of the 14 lymph nodes they removed, 11 turned out to be positive.
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It just sounded so ominous. They still refrained from making any judgments about what stage it was or giving any prognosis over the phone, but suggested we meet with an oncologist as soon as possible. We wasted no time in that meeting, hoping it would shed more light on our situation.
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The children were still very young – Scarlett was 4 years old; Dylan, 8 — so we didn’t share the seriousness of the news with them at first and we did our best to express ourselves as bravely as possible, but it wasn’t easy.
Going to see Scarlett at the school’s spring recital the first week after her diagnosis, I remember Amy watching our daughter on stage, and I just knew she must have wondered if she would even be here next year.
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Amy and Michael with their children, Dylan and Scarlett in 2018.
Lyndon Jackson
That period of uncertainty was one of the most painful points of this journey for both of us, but it was also at that point, I believe, that Amy decided whatever she had to do to be there next year and stay in her children’s lives, she would do it. One of Amy’s biggest strengths in all of this would be her stubbornness. We’ve learned that when positive thinking weakens and gives way to fear or despair, plain old stubbornness comes in pretty handy. There were also angels who came at the right time to help us during this stay.
It was still early stages of stem cell rescue treatment and wanting to make sure we were getting the best medical advice, we flew to New York to get a second opinion from a highly respected specialist, Dr. Holland – who so far felt encouraging; when a doctor has the same last name as a patient, that must be a good sign (even if it’s just Amy’s stage name).
It turned out that Dr. Holland was actually one of the pioneers in early chemotherapy research, so his word carried a lot of weight with us. When he told us that he personally knew Dr. Greco, the oncologist we were seeing in Nashville, and assured us that we couldn’t be in better hands, we felt a great sense of relief.
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Amy Holland and Michael McDonald at the 2023 Power Of Love Gala.
Denise Truscello/Getty Images for Keep Memory Alive
There would be many points of contact in this whole or-deal, not to mention a whole litany of residual treatment side effects that no one told us about. And since it was still in the clinical trial phase, there were consequences they may not have known about yet. For example, Amy would go through a sudden and severe menopause, resulting in chronic loss of bone density and bouts of lymphedema—enough to send even the most determined person into despair. Sometimes it felt like too much, but I have never met anyone braver than my wife as I watched her overcome every obstacle on her way to be there for those she loves.
During one of those intensely powerful chemo treatments near the end of her oncology regimen (which by that point had left her quite weak and sick), I remember sitting silently with Amy in a room full of other patients in other beds, all receiving chemotherapy – therapy . There was a moment when she looked at me with a sad, resigned smile as if to say, “I’m sorry I made you go through this.” Right then, in the midst of everything she had been through, while she was fighting for her life, she was most worried about me.
In that moment, I realized that the true character of love can only be seen in moments like these, desperate, terrible and uncertain times. When the measure of who you really are, your true character, is revealed in how much you care for someone else. At that moment, with only a scarf around her bald head, no eyebrows, not even an eyelash — only her blue eyes looking at me from behind her ashen complexion — she was never more beautiful.
From What a fool believes Michael McDonald with Paul Reiser. Copyright © 2024 Michael McDonald. Reprinted courtesy of Dey Street Books, published by HarperCollins Publishers.
What a fool believes will hit stores on May 21st and is available for pre-order now, wherever books are sold.
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